We often receive calls into the Center for Loss asking questions about facilitating grief support groups. In an effort to help, Dr. Wolfelt has responded below to some frequently asked questions:
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Question: What roles do effective leaders provide to a grief support group?
A support group leader serves the group by enabling members to achieve the purpose of the support group. That purpose is generally to create a safe, supportive place for people to do the work of mourning in a way that helps them begin to move toward reconciling the loss and finding continued meaning in life and living.
Obviously, your specific support group may have varying purposes and goals that guide its existence. No matter the goals, however, the group leader’s responsibilities remain largely the same. They are responsible for assisting the group in:
- determining the group’s purpose
- outlining the group’s structure and length
- prescreening potential members
- clarifying expectations and assisting in the development of group ground-rules
- organizing details
Now let’s explore some of the specific tasks that will probably be part of your support group leader job description. Again, keep in mind that every group has its own unique requirements.
ARTICULATING A GUIDING PHILOSOPHY:
Identifying the basic tenets (theoretical orientation) that guide your way of being as facilitator and providing a rationale for any skills or techniques you make use of in group.
PLANNING AND LEADING GROUP MEETINGS:
Preparing for, organizing, and facilitating the group meetings.
LISTENING:
To model effective listening, you must really hear and allow participants to teach you and each other what they are thinking and feeling.
UNDERSTANDING AND FACILITATING GROUP PROCESS:
Having knowledge of and being skilled in facilitating group process. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of leaders getting some fundamental training, not only in the grief process, but also in group process.
MODELING OPENNESS AND CARING:
Providing a role model by being warm, caring, and empathetic and by consciously seeking ways to help the group achieve its purpose.
REMAINING FLEXIBLE:
Staying aware of the need to modify group activities to fit the unique needs of a specific group or a specific meeting.
BEING RESPONSIVE TO CONFLICTS AND PROBLEMS THAT EVOLVE:
Guiding the group through difficulties that may come up and responding appropriately to destructive behavior in the group.
LEARNING ABOUT EFFECTIVE GROUP LEADERSHIP ROLES:
Participating in training opportunities that allow you to assess current skills and develop new ones.
FOLLOWING UP WITH MEMBERS OUTSIDE OF THE GROUP:
Some members will appreciate opportunities to talk individually, while others may need referral for a counseling relationship. It is also the group leader’s responsibility to help members transfer learning in the group to daily life.
EVALUATING GROUP PROGRESS:
Monitoring the group’s capacity to achieve its purpose and make any changes to improve this process.
If you don’t already have one, I encourage you to write out a job description for your support group facilitators. This will help both you and your organization: 1) clarify the details of your role as a group leader; 2) help you get started in your new role; and 3) avoid unstated expectations. A seat-of-the-pants orientation to group facilitation is dangerous and minimizes your responsibility as a leader. With appropriate preparation and training, your leadership role will be both satisfying and enjoyable.
Question: What are the basic needs of grief support group members?
- Each member must understand the purpose of the group.
- Each member must feel a sense of belonging and acceptance.
- Each member must feel understood.
- Each member must be aware of and respectful of the groundrules.
- Each member must feel encouraged to be an active participant in the group while also feeling respected if they choose to remain quiet.
- Each member must be able to see the faces of all other members during group meetings to effectively communicate (so arrange the seating appropriately).
Question: What are some indicators that trust may be lacking in a grief support group?
The following symptoms suggest that your group members haven’t built enough mutual trust to make the group effective:
- A general unwillingness among members to share and contribute
- Longwinded expressions by only a few members
- A tendency for members to focus on others instead of themselves
- A belief by some members that the group cannot help them
Can you think of any other signs that trust is lacking?
Question: Why do you think problems sometimes rear their head in a support group?
Murphy’s Law ensures that no grief support group will run smoothly one-hundred percent of the time. Problems will arise, typically due to one of three reasons:
- LACK OF LEADER PREPARATION
“Where are we supposed to meet?” “How long was this meeting supposed to last?” “I thought you were going to bring the name tags!” If administrative details aren’t properly taken care of, group members will feel left in the lurch. On the other hand, problems can also arise when a leader is too controlling. In general, a lack of effective leadership skills can result in a number of negative consequences. Proper grief support group facilitator training will help you prepare to lead and avoid these problems.
- DISCREPANCIES BETWEEN GROUP MEMBERS’ EXPECTATIONS AND LEADER’S EXPECTATIONS
Each individual group member will have their own expectations for the group. The place to vocalize these various expectations is in your prescreening process and during the group review of the groundrules, in the first session. If mutual expectations aren’t clarified early on, the group is set up for failure.
- INDIVIDUAL PARTICIPANT PROBLEMS
Each person brings a unique personality and history to the group. No matter how well you prescreen members, you will encounter challenging participants who will test your skills as group leader. Effective intervention in these cases requires that you first establish a caring, trusting relationship between you and each group member.
In my book The Understanding Your Grief Support Group Guide I outline some of the challenging participants you may encounter in your group. In that resource, I’ve suggested ways you might deal with each of them, but do keep in mind that confronting an individual member in front of the rest of the group is rarely a good idea. Instead, ask to meet with them individually after the meeting.
Sometimes group members will themselves intervene by confronting another member about problems arising in the group. When this happens, it’s appropriate for you to take charge of the conversation. Use your paraphrasing and perception checking skills to clarify what is being said (and perhaps to state it more supportively), then move on. Speak to the problem member individually after the meeting.
And remember, even when you must confront, lead with your heart and with compassion. Usually, problem members are just teaching you about their personalities, their unique ways of interacting with others, and complications of their loss and grief journeys.
Question: What are some of the red flags suggesting the need for referral for individual counseling?
There are some grieving people whose current grief needs will be met more effectively in individual counseling or therapy. The following “red flags” should alert you to the need for making an appropriate referral.
- Persistent thoughts of suicide, expressions of serious suicide intent, or the development of a specific suicide plan
- Arriving at your group under the influence of alcohol or drugs
- Previous or current diagnosis of a significant mental health challenge
- Profound symptoms of anxiety or depression that interfere with the ability to do basic self-care
- Uncontrollable rage directed at others
- Physical harm to self or others
- Uncontrollable phobias, such as an inability to be by themselves at any time
- Entrenched symptoms of mourning (such as anger or guilt) that do not appear to soften over time
The above list is not exhaustive, of course. You should use your good judgment as to whether or not a group member would benefit more from individual counseling than from a support group at this time. It is also important for you as a group leader to realize that, even when you make a referral for individual counseling, the person may choose not to take your advice.
If you’re interested in learning more about starting and leading grief support groups, please see Dr. Wolfelt’s book The Understanding Your Grief Support Group Guide and considering joining us for our Support Group Facilitator Training.
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Dr. Alan Wolfelt has been recognized as one of North America’s leading death educators and grief counselors. His books have sold more than a million copies worldwide and have been translated into many languages. Founder of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado Dr. Wolfelt speaks on grief-related topics, offers trainings for caregivers, and has written many bestselling books and other resources on grief for both caregivers and grieving people. For more information visit www.centerforloss.com
